Dinner Fun

A few days ago for dinner we had Little Ceasers Pizza when my mom was talking to my little sister, Olivia, who wouldn't eat a fruit or vegetable. She said: "Olivia, you need to either have orange slices, apple sauce, or carrots. You haven't had a fruit or veggie at all today." My Olivia looks at my mom while holding her breadstick, then looks down at her plate and says -pointing at her breadstick-, "Mom, I already have a fruit or vegetable!"

Tripping 101

Well today in CTE (Career and Technical Education) a boy who shall not be named tripped me. I was so mad! Plus it was in front of the guy I kinda like. Man I wish I wasn't so clumsy...

Here are some tips on the whole tripping subject:

1. Always watch where you are walking down and UP the stairs so you won't have to be on crutches for a whole day and rent an elevator key... Not that I did that or anything... Plus if you need some cover say the following : "Have I stopped bouncing yet?" "I'm a professional stuntwoman, don't try this at home." " Well, that was graceful" "I can teach you how to do that if you want." and "Who are you? I think I have amnesia. Guess I can't take the history test."

2. Watch for stupid people (boys in particular) who "happened" to stick their leg out.

3. If you ever fall on a flat surface, say "I was testing gravity, and by the way, it works."

Stupid Cell Phones

You know what I hate about cell phones? Well, not on all cell phones, but my mom's phone and the house phone never show that I call. Like today for instance, I was after school practicing my cello with my teacher and I got done with that at 2:30. I called my mom to have her come get me but she never answered. I called and called but no answer. I heard this big ambulance, firetruck race by my school, and I assumed the worst. I called my dad to pick me up, but he wasn't going to be leaving work for 30 minutes. Finally I got a ride from a friend. When I got home, my mom checked her phone and it said I had called but no ring, the weirdest was that the house phone said I never called even once! I swear I called 50 billion times! Perhaps I don't exist.....

Nerf Wars

There are those days when you just feel like shooting things. Whether it's a wall, a couch, a person... Well that's what a Nerf Gun is for. Those little dart things are great for shooting your little brother when he won't get out of your room and not leaving a mark. They hurt a little bit but won't do permanent damage (unless you hit them in the eye... then it's another story). Instead of writing an angry letter or email and "accidentally" send it, you can draw their face on a piece of paper (make it ugly if you're REALLY mad at them!) and tape it to a wall (or you can draw with washable marker on a mirror so the darts stick). When you're ready to fire, close your eyes and shoot until you run out of bullets. Then open your eyes, retrieve the bullets and repeat. Repeat this process until all anger is out.

Little Vikings

Today while my mother was making dinner, my two little siblings were regressing into prehistoric times. They grabbed a fork and spoon for each of them and sat at the table screaming, "We want food! We want food!" It was quite a sight. When my mom tried to videotape them, they changed their words and started turning red. My baby sister acted funny and shrunk under the table while my brother stuck the fork and spoon in his mouth.

Earlier today my little baby sister likes to talk about her "scary dreams" and was telling my mother all about a ghost. She said, "Mom, there was a ghost with one black eye, not two black eyes, um, but one black eye, ok? And he was VERY scary. He said BOO! and fell off the mountain. And then he died." Sometimes I wonder if she really knows what she is saying.

Jokes to Split Your Pants

Some days are just plain boring and you need something to make the day go along. My favorite way to humor myself is telling jokes. Here are some of the best I've heard.

Knock knock. Who's there? Panther. Panther who? Panther no panth I'm going thwimming!

Knock knock. Who's there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub I'm dwowning!

Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrup-- MOO!!!!!!

Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? *repeat a few times* Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Go up to someone in school, work, or home and look them in the eye and say: I love U. *pause* It's my favorite letter!

I did that I love U one to a friend and he thought I meant it. It took him a while to get it... It's a good thing we're friends. ;)

Humor Dictionary

Some of you may be wondering why I call my blog The Nutbucket. Well, one day my dad was telling my sister and I to brush our teeth or something, and at the end he called us nutbuckets and it just stuck. If I were to write a dictionary, that would be in it. Speaking of which, why don't I?

Dolphin squeak [dol-fin sqweek] -noun 1.A high-pitched laugh followed by short gasps for air.

Hugegantic [hyooj-gan-tik] -adj 1. A very huge, gigantic object.

Nutbucket [nuht-buhk-it] -noun 1. A name given to someone who appears to be slightly insane.

Well, maybe I'll come up with some more later, but for now, those are the few words that will boost your humor meter a bit.