6 Truths About Life

My sister sent me another email from one of her friends. This one is pretty funny!

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility due to the tendons within your neck.

2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.

3. And discover #1 is a lie.

4. You are now laughing because you are an idiot.

5. You will soon post on Facebook about what an idiot you are and then you will tell all your friends about this blog. (I had to change this step because it said to forward this email... but this is a blog not an email.)

6. There is still a stupid smile on your face. :)

Hope you liked that one! I did this... Sometimes I wonder if I have a new disease... One that I'm smart but stupid too...

9 Things I Hate About People

My sister forwarded me this funny email from one of her friends. Hope you like!

1. When people who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours?
2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say, "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". You got that right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say, "It's always the last place you look". Of course it is, why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this?
5. When people say while watching a film, "did you see that?". No loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the stupid floor.
6. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a chance there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is "new and improved". Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say, "life is short". What the heck?? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, smart one, would I still be standing here?

Jokes to Split Your Pants

Some days are just plain boring and you need something to make the day go along. My favorite way to humor myself is telling jokes. Here are some of the best I've heard.

Knock knock. Who's there? Panther. Panther who? Panther no panth I'm going thwimming!

Knock knock. Who's there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub I'm dwowning!

Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrup-- MOO!!!!!!

Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? *repeat a few times* Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Go up to someone in school, work, or home and look them in the eye and say: I love U. *pause* It's my favorite letter!

I did that I love U one to a friend and he thought I meant it. It took him a while to get it... It's a good thing we're friends. ;)

Humor Dictionary

Some of you may be wondering why I call my blog The Nutbucket. Well, one day my dad was telling my sister and I to brush our teeth or something, and at the end he called us nutbuckets and it just stuck. If I were to write a dictionary, that would be in it. Speaking of which, why don't I?

Dolphin squeak [dol-fin sqweek] -noun 1.A high-pitched laugh followed by short gasps for air.

Hugegantic [hyooj-gan-tik] -adj 1. A very huge, gigantic object.

Nutbucket [nuht-buhk-it] -noun 1. A name given to someone who appears to be slightly insane.

Well, maybe I'll come up with some more later, but for now, those are the few words that will boost your humor meter a bit.